Modern Life and FOMO

In this day and age of always online life, where every thing is documented and photographed, most of us have a skewed perspective of the lives people we know live. This has led to the phenomenon known as FOMO or the fear of missing out, creeping into the collective psyche of the general populous.

No better is this exemplified than the rise of Facebook and its saturation of everyday life, add to this other social media apps like Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok and you have the tools to 24-hour document everything from your breakfast to that epic holiday in Paradise. The popularity of these sites and apps and the users' ability to carefully edit and manipulate the content shown has led to a distorted worldview that I and many people I know have built up about the lives of other people we are connected on social media with lead.

Social media, therefore, shows us an idealized life our past friends and colleagues have, to us this might appear perfect where they have great careers, families and exciting experiences and can lead to us being envious or jealous of this fact. If you suffer FOMO, like me, you probably find yourself trawling through posts on various social media sites, checking in on people you know/knew to see what they are up to, seeing something wholesome or inspiring then instantly your mind turns to self-doubt and loathing, where you question everything. Then the "if only"  voice rears its ugly head, where you question vivid moments in your past where a certain decision becomes a fixation, "If only I hadn't done that or chose to say that". It then becomes a cycle of self-doubt that soon becomes self-loathing.

In my life there are many instances where I wish things would have gone differently, I have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 20 years, they are a lot older than I am and as the years have rolled by, very happily I might add, I have become more and more aware that I have missed out on being a father, early on in our relationship we tried but to no avail to have a child. A long time ago I came to the realization it would not be an option. 

I was fine with this fact but over the past few years I have found that social media has led me to become resentful towards my friends who have had children, instead of feeling joy and excitement for them I found I was becoming jaded and obnoxious with envy. I say "found" as in the deepest embraces of FOMO I became acutely aware of this fact and did not like what I had become. It is essential in my opinion, when dealing with FOMO and its ways of tarnishing your life, to recognize the tendrils it buries deep into your thought process and take steps to weed it out where it might be found.

Instead of focusing on what you are missing and how someone might have it better than you, look deep inside yourself and say well I might not have that but I have this. With regard to my friends and the past resentment I harboured towards them for having what I could not, I look at it from a different angle. CBT which helped me overcome my deep depression and gave me the tools to control it for the majority of my time now provided a big help.

Instead of focusing on what I might be missing out on, I try and focus on the experiences I am having and the connections I am making...now. It's important to recognize the experiences we have had and the people that have stayed in our lives, even when we might have treated them unfairly. It's important to remember we can still create new experiences and cherish the memories we make going forward. If FOMO has taught me anything it is that the past is a nice place to reminisce in but we cannot stunt the growth into our future by saying that it will never be better than the past or what someone else is doing.

Life is a journey and we should enjoy the ride, rather than looking to other people on the ride and thinking they are having a better time than us whilst constantly worrying that we might be missing out on something that we didn't know we needed.

Thanks for reading this blog post, I know it is a slog but I hope it makes you realize, FOMO is a common and natural feeling which has been nurtured by the proliferation of social media and just like everything to do with social media the wrinkles have been photoshopped out and what we see isn't a true picture of what everyone's life is, it has been carefully filtered and condensed to the best of times.

Here are a few suggestions I can recommend from personal experience:

1. Limit your social media use: Social media can be a breeding ground for FOMO, so consider limiting the amount of time you spend on it. Set a time limit for yourself each day and stick to it.

2. Unfollow or mute triggers: If there are certain people or accounts that trigger your FOMO, consider unfollowing or muting them. This can help you avoid constant reminders of what you may be missing out on.

3. Focus on your own life: Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own life and the things you're grateful for. Make a list of the things you appreciate and that bring you joy, and refer to it when you're feeling down.

4. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay present and grounded in the moment, instead of getting caught up in thoughts of what you're missing out on. Try practising meditation or deep breathing exercises.

5. Try new things: One way to combat FOMO is to try new things and have new experiences. Instead of focusing on what you're missing out on, focus on the new things you're gaining.

6. Connect with others: Build connections with people in real life, whether it's through volunteering, joining a club, or taking a class. This can help you feel more fulfilled and less isolated.

7. Seek help if needed: If your FOMO is causing you significant distress, consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor. They can help you develop coping strategies and work through underlying issues that may be contributing to your FOMO.

I leave you with one more thought, be happy for your friends who have that great job, house, and family because envy and resentment is a hole that can never be filled and just drains all the joy from your own life. I have lived that life for too long and feel so much happier filling other people's lives with the positive energy I can send their way.

Scott